I drafted this post just two weeks after my diagnosis with brain tumors. Although it’s old news, the feelings of that day – relief and exultation – are still quite palpable.
I’m not sure anyone needed a wake-up call less than I did. I’ve always been quite grounded in reality, and my diagnosis of stage IV lung cancer at age 30 cemented that.
Unfortunately I now look back at how much “simpler” life seemed when I ONLY had primary lung cancer to manage.
I assume there is a possibility, with most varieties of cancer, that a piece can break off, travel through the bloodstream, and deposit on the fertile bank of a new organ. And when you simplify it as such, I’m surprised I wasn’t sitting around waiting for this development.
But yesterday (June 28), I was able to press pause on twelve very active days of dying.
My primary oncologist called and left a voice message while I was getting zapped by the CyberKnife. Seth and I parked at a nearby restaurant, and I synced my phone with the truck’s hands-free system. “Hey, it’s Doctor Roush. It’s Friday at 12:30. Give me a call when you get the message. Thanks, bye bye.”
I knew he had my PET scan results. The blood drained from my face at an alarming rate. I looked at Seth and said, “This isn’t good.”
Quite frankly, I wasn’t expecting to hear from him until our 8am meeting on Monday. No news would be good news, right?
We stayed connected via Bluetooth and returned his call. Fortunately he was available, and the receptionist put us through immediately.
“The PET scan looks good,” he said.
“What? Really?” I exhaled.
He confirmed. There were no signs of metastasis to any other organs or bones. The spot on my spine was stable, too.
In that moment I found the strength to keep pushing forward.
Seth and I quietly celebrated the rest of that Friday. I had a little ice cream after lunch and dinner. I knew the joy was misplaced: the blow had been dealt, and I had quite a mess on my hands. But to take a few hours and revel in the silliest “no new cancer today!” cheer was exactly what I needed. 😊