Dear Diary

March 3, 2013

Blossom lies next to me. I wrap my arm around her, and a feeling of peace and warmth envelops me. Sometimes I think she can sense when I really need her, and tonight was certainly one of those nights.

My first sign of discomfort was around 6:30pm. But I ignored it, and Seth and I had a nice time at dinner. The discomfort grew into small pangs of pain, so we decided to forego drinks with friends.

We returned home around 9pm, took care of the buns, and started to watch a movie. Twenty minutes into “Puss in Boots,” and I was doubled over in pain. It was 10pm – quite a late start for one of my episodes.

In fact, when I passed 8pm with only a little pain here and there, I thought I was in the clear. Sometimes – maybe once a week – that happens. The discomfort never develops into a full monster.

We stopped the movie and opted for a TV show which didn’t require my attention. At some point I scurried to the bathroom, crouched over like some sort of spineless zombie. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror and was shocked at the pasty, sickly face that appeared.

The worst of it passed in the first two hours. By midnight I could lie still (no more writhing and kicking). It’s now 2am, and I’d say I’m 90% of the way through this one. Small cramps of pain come and go, but in general I’m feeling much better. I’m exhausted, but that’s partially because it’s 2am!

I’m going to call my oncologist on Monday. My primary oncologist, that is. The one I really like and trust. I will bring him up-to-speed and discuss with him what my options are if I discontinue my current treatment. I need to know what he would prescribe next, what my chances of success are, and what the side effects might be.

I fell asleep sometime after 4:30am and netted about six hours in dreamland. When I awoke I felt like I had been hit by a tractor trailer. It didn’t take much for Seth to convince me that I needed a day off from LDK.


4 responses to “Dear Diary

  • Sjoukje

    ooh Jessica…I hope that your oncologist has some option for you so that you continue treatment but the pain is gone or at least not so horrible as you have now. So wish I could take some of it away for you.

    much love & nosebonks from us

  • Julie

    Thinking of you, sending love and warmth. :.) Julie & buns Molly & Liam

  • Mary Ruggiero

    Jessica, I was feeling aches in my stomach as I read your post. I am sending you healing thoughts and prayers for another option that won’t be so painful.

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