I’m really frustrated, and I’m really upset.
First, though, I will share with you some good news. The MRI showed no sign of cancer on my spine. It also showed no fractures (which was a concern because of the long-term, high-dose steroids). I was very relieved. And then I was frustrated.
The call from my oncologist woke me from a nap. I know exactly what he said, but I didn’t have my wherewithal to compose educated questions. His instruction was to continue to manage the pain with the prescription and over-the-counter drugs I have. When I asked what else I can do, he said he could refer to an orthopedist or chiropractor. It was past 4:30 pm when I was ready to ask my fully lucid questions, so now I have to wait until Monday. Here is what’s rattling around in my brain:
He commented on my spine but not the discs. Does that mean he only looked at the bones? Or does that mean he thought everything looked fine? Of course, that’s not his field of expertise, but wouldn’t the radiologist have noted any abnormalities? And if everything really looked fine and this is completely muscular, what in the world is going on?
I spent the better part of autumn knowing something was wrong and being told I was fine. I’m so upset because I don’t want to go through that again.
I know how injured, pulled muscles feel. I know what it feels like when you’ve coughed for weeks on end and have sore muscles in your back. This is different. Something is wrong that I can’t stand for more than a couple of minutes. I’m not making it up. I’m not imagining it. I’m in pain, and I need someone to figure it out and not blow me off!
Cancer was already turning my life on end, but now I can’t even go anywhere unless I can make it from the car to a seated position in less than five minutes. No shopping in small stores, no walking around a bookstore, no casual strolls. Even at home, by the time I use the bathroom and refill my glass of water, I need to sit down. It is so incredibly depressing.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to mop off my keyboard and hug my bunny.