I finally got to make my wish.
My actual birthday (Friday) was a bit of a washout; I felt positively awful so we postponed my ‘fancy’ dinner and opted for a quick and easy option instead. I then wallowed in self-pity for remainder of the night. It came easily and seemed to pair well with my physical state. Rest eluded me.
Two hours of sleep later, Seth visited a special birthday weekend treat – bagels! This cheered both my spirit and my belly. Around 11:30am I declared it nap time. Cancer mostly sucks, but I do enjoy being able to nap at will!
And I’m a napping champ – honestly, I should update my résumé. Left to my own devices, my most common nap is approximately 1 hr 45 minutes in duration. (This must be my natural sleep cycle.) Saturday afternoon I completed one nap and lay in bed for half an hour while I weighed my options: get up or go back to sleep… I awoke refreshed at 4:30pm, and we headed out a few hours later for my special dinner.
Drinks and appetizers were delightful. Midway through dinner, though, I had a small setback with some nasty back pain; but I took a pain pill, had a mini breakdown in the ladies’ room, and pulled myself together. I was going to enjoy this dinner, dammit! Once we had made respectable progress on our entrées, we ordered dessert. And then I started planning…
I’ve always liked birthday wishes – and it’s a bit out of character. After all, I’m not a religious person, nor am I given to spiritual or ethereal beliefs. (I believe in science and the people and animals I love.) So I generally place ‘wishes’ somewhere between ‘positive thinking’ (yay) and ‘magic’ (nay) on my personal spectrum of substantiative concepts. But I do, once a year, allow myself a birthday wish.
A wish… Not something I expect to come true. Instead it’s something that I want with all my might to be true. As I silently focused on the perfect phrasing, Seth said, “I know what I would wish for if I was you!” I looked at him quizzically for a brief moment before I remembered, “oh, the lung cancer thing.” Funny – it never occurred to me that I would wish for something for myself. ‘What a waste of a wish,’ I thought. And then, like a light bulb above my head, I had it.
Our desserts arrived, mine with a single candle on a delicately decorated plate. I closed my eyes, made my wish, took a breath – though maybe not so big – and puffed out the candle.
For what did I wish? Why if I told you, it wouldn’t come true! 😉